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Tuesday, December 11th 2007

6:34 PM (569 days, 3h, 14min ago)

Paranormal State ... of Mind

  • Mood: Cranky
  • Weather: Can't make up its mind
  • Pain Level: High
By day, my hubby and I are children's books illustrators, authors, publishers....you get the idea.  But we've picked up an interesting night hobby.
 
No, not that hobby.....well, yes, I mean we DO that hobby, and generally at night.  And damn, it's good, but I digress.
 
We are paranormal investigators.  We've been on a few investigations, written a couple of books, started a podcast, blah blah blah.  We are not experts, but then again, no one really is in this field.
 
Last night, "Paranormal State" aired on A&E.  There was a lot of hype and build up, which had me a bit concerned, but hey.  I, for one, will watch almost anything paranormally related.  Whether I'm rolling my eyes and throwing foam bricks at the TV or saying, "Holy crap, they got sumpin!" it makes no difference to me.

Yes, I'm a ghost slut.
 
So hubby and I settled in last night to watch "Paranormal State."  Like moths to the bug zapper, we were drawn to it. 
 
What the biggest bunch of bullshit, pastey-butt, fag-assed (not that there's anything wrong with that) stupidity.  There's 60 minutes of my life I'll never get back again. 
 
"It's a deeeemoooonnnnn.  Oooooooooo!!!"  [cue spooky music]
 
"Don't make me call in the Warrens!"  [cue Lorraine Warren]
 
"Don't say the demon's name!!"  [Aamon Abaddon Abalam Agares Aim Alastor Alloces Amaymon Amdusias Amon Amy (you didn't know her like I did) Andrealphus Andromalius Antichrist Apollyon Armaros Asmodai Astaroth!!!!!!!]
 
And that's just the A's.  Don't make me go through the whole alphabet. (The "secret" name, by the way, was, "Belial.")  Oh wait, I almost forgot to cue the Catholic priest.  No worries...he's been sitting out in the van for the past 3 hours, ready to go.
 
And what the hell were the girls on this show doing??  If they are meant to be eye candy, then the producers need to fire their wardrobe director.  They looked bored most of the time, and obviously were directed to not speak, even when spoken to.  Hell, they didn't even bother to nod in appreciation when the STAR of the show (what's-his-fag) would tell them something, all serious-like.  The only time I heard them speak is when they got sent back to their room, like little children at the grown-up's party.  
 
"I guess the investigation is getting kind of out of hand."  [giggle giggle giggle]
 
Puhleeze.  At least put them in some cute jammies and let them pillow fight.  It would have been WAY more enjoyable for the audience, and hubby and I would have been all cranked up and not too tired for some nice hanky-panky.
 
And....AND...don't even get me started on the people they were investigating.  I imagine there is some truth to the people's claims, and I have no real complaints on how they handled the child, but by goddess, it appears to me that they were exploiting that woman and her situation for their own financial gain.  At first I wasn't sure if she was in on the whole "it's a deeeeemmmoooonnn!!!" scam, but when I saw her crying over her son's loss in a father figure, and how sincere she was, I could only conclude that they were more interested in the Big Buck than they were actually helping this poor woman.
 
Okay, fine.  Try not to look like T.A.P.S.  I get it.  But don't do this to people.  Don't tell them that a demon is following them or you or Druid Duck around.  And don't hold fake EVP sessions that look like seances (or was that a seance masked as an EVP session?  Yes.  That was it.  They didn't get a single EVP did they?)
 
So I stand by my ranting paragraph.  This was a horrible paranormal show that will do absolutely nothing to further the serious investigators' field.  It was over-scripted, overly-dramatic and pretty much just over-the-top.  Hopefully it will just be "over" .... and soon.
 
Now, where's that foam brick?



-1 moans / bitch here

Monday, December 3rd 2007

8:56 AM (577 days, 12h, 53min ago)

She's Back! No Really! Stop Laughing!!

  • Mood: Content
  • Weather: Sunny and cold
  • Hears: Various EVP files that my Rhino is working on
  • Pain Level: Low
I'm back from the pit to which I had fallen.  Where did I go?  Into the dispairs of nasty custody battles and stoopid ex-spouses.
 
I was not free to say anything, for fear he would twist my words and try to use them against me.  He accused me of putting the children in "imminent danger" and told the children.....TOLD them that I was going to hell.  He told them I worship the devil.  He told them that if they lived with me, they would end up living on the street.  Nothing was off limits if he thought it would turn my babies against me.
 
If there is a hell, I hope he burns in it.  If there isn't, may he live in hell on earth while he's here.  I'm just glad it's over now.
 
What ended it?  I really don't know for sure.  He called me one day out of the blue and said, "I want to settle."  It was about a week after I'd taken him to court on contempt charge stemming from all the horrible things he'd been saying to the kids about me. 
 
"What are you offering?" I asked him.
 
"I'm offering you the kids."
 
Just like that. 
 
I held my breath.  I waited for the other shoe to drop.  I tried to figure out what the catch was.
 
There was none.
 
The mediation papers were signed the day before Thanksgiving.  The following week he called me and said, "Are you going to be home today?"
 
I hesitantly answered, "I should be...."
 
"Okay, cuz I thought I'd bring the first load of the kids' stuff by."
 
And he did.  He backed his pickup up to our garage and started unloading.  Their bikes.  Their clothes.  Blankets.  Everything. 
 
He's also only requested to see them once a month and every other holiday.  I'm not even sure he's going to take them on his visitations at this point.
 
But, whatever.  My babies are safe; they are together.  They are not going to have to move anymore and will actually get to stick around with the friends they've made and graduate with them.  I'm grateful to the gods that be for that.
0 moans / bitch here

Sunday, January 21st 2007

9:39 AM (893 days, 12h, 9min ago)

Is she alive?? Does anyone care??

  • Mood:
  • Weather: Sunny
  • Hears: The sound of plastic cups
  • Pain Level: Low
I live...and to the fullest, I might add.  Life had been a whirlwind recently, but all for the better.  I am finally headed in the direction I should be headed.
 
Yesterday was my baby's birthday.  All of my chldren are now officially double digits.  His two favorite gifts?  The BINGO cage we got him as well as the plastic cups.
 
You heard me right.  Plastic cups.  But these are not just any old set of plastic cups.  These are a $30.00 set of plastic cups.  You can't even drink out of them.  They have big holes in the bottom.  I suppose that is to make them easier to stack and unstack.  Have you heard of this sport?  There are world champions at this, and DANG they are FAST.  These kids can stack and unstack a set of 12 cups faster than you can blink.  Don't believe me?  Check out the video clips at the Speed Stacking website: http://worldsportstackingassociation.org/
 
 
My two boys have been doing nothing but stacking cups since the box was opened last night.  This morning they were racing each other and my younger, double-digit and slightly-slower-stacker son said, "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!" 
 
"Why not?" asked the speedy, older double-digit son.
 
"You're going too fast!!!"  Crocodile tears welled up in his eyes.
 
The older double-digit son has a birthday coming up in a couple of days.....I wonder what he'll be opening up?  (ponder, ponder, ponder....)
 
Later in the morning we heard the younger saying, "STOP FOLLOWING ME!!"  Sir Mighty Rhino opened the bedroom door to see a non-chalant older boy casually leaning against the wall.
 
"I'm NOT following you."
 
"Yes you are!"  (Well, perhaps he's just following the PLASTIC CUPS and it's not really you, young son...)
 
Clearly, it was time for Sir Mighty Rhino to step in.  "Stop following your brother around."
 
"I'm NOT!"
 
"Yes you ARE!"
 
To which my oldest daughter and mother-in-training said, "KNOCK IT OFF!!!"
 
All arguments ended.  That's m'girl.  *beams* 
3 moans / bitch here

Friday, October 6th 2006

3:39 PM (1000 days, 7h, 9min ago)

Little Children; Big Hearts

  • Mood:
  • Weather: Sunny, but with a chance of rain this weekend
  • Hears: Not much...pretty quiet in the office today
  • Pain Level: About a 4
My 9 year old son came home from school, all excited because he could do something and make a difference.  He asked my best friend in the whole world, if we knew anyone that had cancer.  My Rhino replied that we did, as his very dear friend had just passed away a couple of weeks ago from cancer.  His name was Ken, and they found the cancer much too late.  His body was riddled with it from head to toe.
 
The Little Scientist had Rhino write the name down on a slip of paper so he could purchase a ribbon for a dollar at his school.  The ribbons would go on the wall.  The Little Scientist was especially excited because he was using his allowance money to pay for this ribbon. 
 
Later that night, the Little Scientist proudly showed the receipt to Rhino and asked, "Did Ken have breast cancer?"  He had purchased a pink ribbon in memory of Ken.
 
While Rhino and I had a good laugh over that, we knew that Ken was laughing harder than any of us.
 
 
2 moans / bitch here

Friday, August 4th 2006

11:04 AM (1063 days, 11h, 44min ago)

Do you ever feel like you're being watched?

I remember playing hide and seek as a child.  I found the perfect spot between this bush (that was as tall as a small tree) and the house.  I remember standing there, breathless, waiting for my cousin to come around the corner.  I knew I would be able to see him, but he would not be able to see me.  I planned on making a break for home base as soon as he disappeared around the other corner again.
 
Then I got that weird feeling.  I was being watched.  My body froze and I cautiously looked a little to my left.  There, in the bush, was a small face with two beady eyes staring at me.  His tongue flickered only a breath away from my face. 
 
It was a harmless snake, but a snake, nonetheless.  I managed to get out of the suddenly-too-small space w/o disturbing my new little "friend."
 
Another time, I was sitting on a rock down at the creek.  I was enjoying the sound of the water rushing over the pebbles and the smell of the wind.  I remember being deep in thought about nothing in particular when suddenly that feeling pierced through my brain and chest.  I was being watched.  Again, I froze.  Then, slowly, I turned my head a little to the right and looked down.  Next to my hand was another brown snake, all coiled up and watching me. 
 
I wonder what it is with me and snakes?
 
So, here I sit today.  Half frozen and afraid to look around and refusing to post in my own blog.  I am being watched.  Preconceived notions and miscontrued concepts are my enemy.  For those watching (and you know who you are), know that I am not the evil person you might think I am.  Know that I am happier than I've ever been in my life, and my goal in life is to make sure my kids are happy and well adjusted, and that the man that I love is the happiest he's ever been in his life.
 
Sometimes I wish we had magic erasers for those preconceived notions.  What is it that they say?  "You never get a second chance at a first impression."  And it really sucks when that first, negative impression comes from another person, and not from self.
 
But such is life.
-2 moans / bitch here

Friday, July 7th 2006

3:07 PM (1091 days, 7h, 42min ago)

Everything you didn't want to know about me, Part II

  • Mood:
  • Weather: Warm and a little humid
  • Hears: Board meeting taking place in the hallway
It's not Rhuematoid Arthritis.
 
It's not Lupus.
 
For this, I am grateful.
 
My pain has tentatively been diagnosed as Fibromyalgia.  I think my friends are more horrified by this than I am.  I already have my good days and my bad days.  Today is a moderate day.  Thank god for the meds I'm already on.  At any rate, I'll just keep on pluggin' along.  The pain is nothing compared to the joy and contentment in my life right now.  I am at peace.  I will continue to deal with the bad days and enjoy the good days and hopefully find a good management plan along the way. 
4 moans / bitch here

Tuesday, June 27th 2006

9:52 PM (1101 days, 0h, 56min ago)

Remember, I Don't Love You

  • Mood: Bustin'-a button-Proud!
  • Weather: Warm
  • Hears: The quietness of the house at night
This poem was written my my daughter, who is 14 years old.  She has given me permission to post it.
 
 
Remember, I Don't Love You
You're not like the other guys
You make everything feel so right
I love it when you look so deep into my eyes
I dream of your arms around me so tight
But remember, I don't love you
I smile everytime I think of all the
times we've had together
You always know just how to make me laugh
It seems we've known each other forever
We share everything and all that stuff
But remember, I don't love you
I know you'll catch me whenever I fall
You're the one I can always talk to
I just love the feeling of it all
Sometimes I just don't know what to do
But remember, I don't love you

-moonlight_singer
-6 moans / bitch here

Tuesday, June 6th 2006

8:52 AM (1122 days, 13h, 56min ago)

Our release system here SUCKS!

  • Mood:
This is a combination of two convos I had with friends. Their names have been removed for privacy.


Libby: man, I just don't get the jail system down here AT ALL
Friend 1: huh?
Libby: they release prisoners
Libby: they put them literally on the street
Libby: these people have NO idea where they are
Libby: we just had a 19 year old kid come in
Libby: wanted to know how far he was from Houston
Libby: I told him, and he nearly collapsed
Libby: wanted to know the name of the town
Libby: he had no money
Libby: no way to contact anyone
Libby: nothing
Friend 1: sucks
Libby: I let him use our phone to call his family
Libby: and they are so broke, they couldn't send him any money
Libby: after 10 minutes on the phone with them
Libby: he broke down in tears
Libby: he had absolutely no where to go
Libby: and this happens a LOT
Friend 1: sounds like that jail wants to set people up to go back into crime.
Libby: yes, it does
Libby: it makes me sick
Friend 1: not just that one, but the system
Libby: this kid was so broken, <name removed>
Libby: I can't even tell you
Libby: and Boss 2 was havin' no sympathy for him
Libby: so I finally said, "I'll be back in 10 minutes"
Libby: took the kid down to 183, gave him 40 bucks and told him where the cigarettes and the hotel were.....and to get himself a calling card and/or a bus ticket
Libby: he couldn't stop crying the whole time
Friend 1: sad
Libby: I'm just sick to my stomach over it
Friend 2: god...that's terrible!
Libby: it happens ALL the time here
Libby: we are right next to two jails
Libby: and they always wander in here
Libby: wondering where they are
Friend 2: ugh
Libby: Boss 2 thinks I'm an idiot for helping him, I'm sure
Friend 2: they haven't done that here for at least 40 years
Libby: he was giving me the "opposing argument" (his dad is a lawyer) about the whole deal
Friend 2: <State> Penal system puts them to work and they earn money in a savings account to soft-land them upon release
Libby: I think most of these come from the county jail
Friend 2: the opposing argument being punishment-fits-the-crime? Maybe it does, but it's not in society's best interest to keep the recidivism rate high.
Friend 2: ah, I don't know how those are handled around here
Libby: no, opposing argument being the county is broke, and we can't be helping every one of the out.....and yea....they had it coming
Friend 2: wow, such uncreative thinking
Libby: heh
Libby: I am just sick, <name removed>
Friend 2: I bet!
Libby: this kid couldn't stop weeping
Friend 2: I'd be heartbroken seeing that
Libby: he family refused to help him
Friend 2: and very, very angry
Libby: or were unable to
Libby: not sure which
Friend 2: I consider prison a debt to society. You pay it, you're clear, as far as I'm concerned. Where, oh where did we come to believe that it was the unforgivable sin? Libby: the kid wanted to know how he could pay me back the money
Libby: and I told him not to worry about it
Libby: but he kept asking
Libby: and so I said, "Sometimes it's the strangers that get us through things in life"
Friend 2: yes
Libby: "So, you help someone else out. That's how you can pay me back."
Libby: He quieted down
Libby: nodded
Libby: took a deep breath and shook my hand and thanked me
Libby: I just hope it's enough
Friend 2: I do too
Friend 2: good answer
Libby: thanks
Libby: *is still a little nauseated
Friend 2: *offers some 7up and a Horatio Alger book
Libby: One of that kid's cigarettes would be tasty about now
Friend 2: I'm smoking my pipe, you're welcome to take some hits off it
Libby: thanks
Friend 2: of course
-7 moans / bitch here

Monday, May 29th 2006

4:21 PM (1130 days, 6h, 27min ago)

And so, life marches on

Funny what a difference a few weeks can make. 

I won't go into the reasons why, for my  own personal reasons, but for those who care to know and have not heard yet, I am getting a divorce.

I worry most about my kids.  They are the best kids in the world, and I hate to see them hurt.  But I also hope they can continue to come to me with their questions, fears, confused or happy emotions.....anything and everything.  I hope so many things for them.  But mostly I hope they remember that I love them more than life itself and that they believe me when I say it's going to be ok.

I have found a house to live in, but can't move until July 1.  The kids are excited about the new house.  But in the mean time, to help with the transition process, I have agreed to leave on the weekends.  I think my husband is also willing to take a weekend or two away, and kind of alternate.  One can hope.

So on the weekends I'm gone, my friend BigToe has custody of me.  She's a good surrogate sister.  We went and got our fingers and toes done today. 

Custody is a funny thing.  I hope what we have worked out will actually work.  I think it will.   One can hope.

Hope is another funny thing.  It's what gets us from the bad things going on in our lives to the good things.  Bad things are bound to happen.  But good always follows.  This is what I told my kids when we broke the news to them.  I hope they believe me.

Yes, I love my kids more than life itself.  Each one is different.  Each one is beautiful.  Each one is special.  Each one inspires me every day in some small way, and they don't even know it.  They are my  heroes, in so many ways.  Some day, they will know.  I hope I continue to be a hero to them.  I hope my strength will carry them through. 

More than life itself.
-127 moans / bitch here

Saturday, April 22nd 2006

10:17 PM (1167 days, 0h, 32min ago)

Everything you didn't want to know about me....

  • Mood:
I'm about to post something intensely personal.  I debated this for ... oh .... about 4 or 5 seconds before deciding to go ahead with it.  I figure, what the hell.  I'm frustrated with my pain level but even more frustrated with the Dr. I saw on Thursday.  I absolutely hate feeling like I'm not believed.  And because these are the experts, I begin to doubt myself, which also pisses me off.  Then I will spend moments in my day, cursing the people who do this to me.  I think I have tourette's syndrome.  But anyway.  Here it is:
 
Saturday - 4/22/06
 
Did not take Thursday PM dose of Celebrex.  Reason?  I was feeling pretty good, was half-angry with the latest Dr, and maybe was doubting myself.
 
He poked me in a few different places and pronounced that I did not have arthritis.  Either his communication/beside manner sucks, or he's a terrible Dr.  I sincerely hope (actually, suspect) it is the former.
 
Felt pretty good Friday.  Worked at desk all day.  Some stiffness, but nothing outrageous.  Late Friday night, made love to husband.  Afterward, relaxed in sitting/reclined position on sofa, watching TV.  After an hour, got up to go to bed and was astonished to realize I could barely move for the stiffness and pain.  It hurt everywhere.
 
Frustrated, I took a Celebrex and went to bed.
 
Anytime I moved during the night, the pain of stiffness woke me up.  Slept until 10:30.  Would have slept much longer, but helicopter outside woke me up.
 
Felt about half as stiff this morning as I did last night.  Am debating 2nd Celebrex.
 
 
I won't know for two weeks the result of my bloodwork, but they did take 7 vials of blood from me.  Hopefully they'll find something in that mess. 
-21 moans / bitch here