I have been a die-hard registered Republican since I was eighteen years old.
OK, now that THAT disclaimer is out of the way, I am left to puzzle over this supposed "Census Document" I received in the mail the other day. In the cover letter, it states that my, "...answers will be used to develop a BLUEPRINT for the Republican Party for the next 10 years."
Oh really? The letter continues:
"The 2000, 2002 and 2004 elections have all shown how critical it is that we identify and contact EVERY SINGLE POTENTIAL Republican voter in America to get them involved.
" Because it is cost prohibitive for the Republican Party to print and mail an official REPUBLICAN PARTY CENSUS to each and every one of the 55,000,000 Republicans nationwide...
"...your answers will represent the views and opinions of all Republican voters living in your voting district."
"Oh super," I think to myself, "A chance to really let the Party know how upset I've been with them the past couple of years."
Then I read the questions. Is it just me, or are these a bit on the loaded side? 
CENSUS DOCUMENT QUESTIONNAIRE:
(We are given the choice of "Yes," "No," or "Undecided" for each of the following questions):
DOMESTIC AND INTERNATIONAL SECURITY
1. Do you support President Bush's initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans?
I mull this one over....rolling it around in my brain like one rolls a tootsie roll over in the mouth....
Do...I....support.....
Bush's ... initiatives....
Well, not really. But if I answer "No" then I'm a bad American. If I answer "Undecided" then I am a waffler......
I'm cornered. I must answer yes.
2. Do you support the use of air strikes against any country that offers safe harbor or aid to individuals or organizations committed to further attacks on America?
No, actually I don't. Does that make me a bad Republican? Oh wait...it makes me a BAD AMERICAN cuz of 9/11. Silly me.
3. Do you think Congress should focus on cutting the federal budget deficit by reducing wasteful government spending?
Wasteful government spending....
This is a joke, right? I didn't realize my party had such a great sense of humor....
EDUCATION ISSUES
1. Do you support President Bush's plan to make our schools more accountable to parents and to restore local control of education?
Well gosh. Accountability is good, right? How, I wonder, is the Federal Government able to legislate accountability and local control at the same time? Another one of Bush's oxymorons.....or maybe he's just a moron?
2. Should students, teachers, principals and administrators be held to higher standards?
Are you serious?? For GAWD'S sake, let the teachers teach for once! Bush's interpretation of the dumb-ass "No child left behind" initiative sucks royally. I have two, count 'em TWO special needs kids. One is dyslexic and the other has an auditory word processing disorder. Because of Bush and his mighty vision for our kids, my children struggle to get the services they need. Thanks Bush.
3. Do you agree that teaching our children to read and increasing literacy rates should be a national priority?
I agree that Bush should have learned to speak like a literate adult. It just goes to show you that what they say in Hollywood is true....."It's not what you know, it's who you know."
Oh wait. That's not a choice on this questionnaire. Ok...I choose....uhm....well dammit. I've been forced into a "Yes" vote again.
SOCIAL ISSUES
1. Do you support President Bush's initiative to allow private religious and charitable groups to do more to help those in need?
I have never been more embarrassed than by our President's actions regarding his governing decisions and religion. Keep your religion OUT of politics, Mr. President. Not everyone believes like you do. Finally, a "No" vote w/o guilt attached to it.
2. Do you support the law, passed by the Republican Congress and signed by Presiden Bush, that bans partial-birth abortions?
Even if the mother's life is in danger? No.
3. Do you support the President's efforts to save Social Security for future generations?
I don't think anyone supports this, Mr. President.
4. Do you think Congress should pass legislation on the Federal Marriage Amendment?
Oh for heaven's sake. NO. What two, consenting adults do in their own bedroom is their own business. It does not affect my marriage in the least. If these same two adults want to have some sort of legal union so that if one is dying in the hospital, the other can actually visit them, it does not affect my marriage in the least. If these same two adults want to have some sort of legal union for tax purposes, it does not affect my marriage in the least. STAY OUT OF PEOPLE'S BEDROOMS!
And I thought Republicans were for smaller government.
DEFENSE ISSUES
1. Do you think U.S. troops should have to serve under United Nations' commanders?
Oooo....double-loaded question.
2. Do you agree that our top military priority should be fighting terrorists?
Well that depends on your definition of "fighting terrorists," now doesn't it?
3. Should the U.S. continue work on building a defense shield against nuclear missle attack?
No. Please....let's just let them nuke us all. Oh wait...by "defense shield" you mean go into another country and overthrow the government on the behalf of the people so they can be free, just like Iraq?
REPUBLICAN PARTY
1. Do you support the election of Republican candidates across the country and rebuilding our majorities over the next ten years?
At the current rate the Republican Party is going? You can't be serious. You all are pushing me closer to the Democratic Party every day.
2. a. Did you vote in the year 2000?
Yes.
b. Did you vote in the year 2002?
Yes.
c. Did you vote in the year 2004?
Yes.
3. Will you join the Republican National Committee by making a contribution today? *(note: We are not given a "No" or "Undecided" option on this last question)
[] Yes, I support the RNC and am enclosing my most generous contribution of:
[] $500 [] $250 [] $100** [] $50 [] $25 [] Other $____________
**A gift in this amount pays to mail 250 more CENSUS DOCUMENTS to registered Republicans.
Please make your check payable to......
blah blah blah
Contributions are not tax deductible......
blah blah blah
Oh wait! What is this??
[] Yes, I support the RNC, but I am unable to participate at this time. However, I have enclosed $11 to cover the cost of tabulating my survey.
Fat chance. I think I'll just send the empty envelope back to them, just so they can be charged the postage.
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